I rarely text and still don’t tweet

By Mike Lange
Staff Writer

    Sometimes I think that teens are either losing their ability to communicate or have drastically altered the practice.
    At a recent high school basketball game, I could swear that 75 percent of the kids in the grandstands were tapping away on their smartphones instead of watching the action on the court. Some were texting their friends in the next row.

    Being from the old school of communication — the really “old school” — I would rather tap someone on the shoulder than text them with a series of shorthand gibberish.
    I also don’t own a smartphone. I have a dumb phone that flips open, a device rarely seen in the hands of people under age 60. “Wow! How does that thing work? Can you stream movies on it?” Sure, if you like watching them on a one-inch screen.
    “Does it take pictures?” Yep, but they’re not very good ones. I didn’t even know it had a camera mode until I accidentally took a photo of my feet.
    A few friends and acquaintances still insist on texting me, even though I warn them that I’ll probably respond by voice or voicemail. The little keyboard is hard to read, so typing a reasonably-literate sentence is a real hassle. But if you only require an “OK,” you’re all set. I’ll text you back.
    The reason I haven’t graduated to a smartphone is strictly economical. I’ve had the same calling plan for about six or seven years. If I upgrade my phone to the newer model, I may have to spend an extra $10 or $15 a month. For someone who uses a cellphone strictly to make calls, the extra cash outlay — which will be deducted from my beer, gas and cat food allowance — isn’t worth it.
    Tweeting never made much sense to me, although major market journalists consider a Twitter a “must-have” option.
    Twitter messages, known as tweets, are a maximum of 140 characters including punctuation and spaces. So that means that if you’re sending a really important message, you may have to send two or three difference tweets.
    “Hi, honey. I just ran off the road while trying to dodge two moose crossing Route 15 in Shirley. I’m half-buried in a snowbank and can’t get out.” (144 characters)
    “I’m going to call AAA if I have a decent signal. Yes, I’m going to be late for supper. And the moose are standing here laughing at me.” (134 characters)
    OK, the last two sentences are unnecessary. Being late for supper is a given, and I haven’t seen a moose laugh since a 900-pound bull tried to ram my old Taurus on Squaw Mountain Road many years ago.
    Judging by some of the tech articles I’ve been reading, I may have to ditch the flip phone pretty soon. They may be as obsolete as an 8-track player in a year or two.
    Smartphones are doing a lot more than checking e-mail nowadays. They access the Internet, check email and can even unlock your car in a pinch if you have the right app.
    So if I’m dragged into the 21st century, I’ll let you know when it’s safe to text me.
    The new smartphones also store hundreds of photos — even of people’s feet.
    Mike Lange is a staff writer with the Piscataquis Observer. His opinions are his own and don’t necessarily reflect those of this newspaper.