Spread the word about suicide prevention

Suicide. It’s a topic very much in social media these days. The posts I see mostly focus on preventing suicide among U.S. military veterans. Individuals and organizations spread the word through social media that, “We’re here. There’s help. Call us.” Often social media users like me are asked to share these outreach messages, to help spread the word among our social media contacts.

My life is influenced greatly by my father’s youngest brother, Robert “Bob” Fish. Uncle Bob introduced me to drums when I was six years old, planting the seed of love for that instrument that’s still with me. I was a professional drummer, became managing editor of Modern Drummer magazine, and still have a blog about drumming called Life Beyond the Cymbals. Uncle Bob’s suicide when I was just 14 years old was a shock, but not as strong, I find, as the aftershock.

Thinking what I could say here to spread the word about suicide prevention, I understandably think first of Uncle Bob. After 52 years, Bob’s death sometimes still brings me deep sadness and tears over what might have been.

Next, my mind moves to suicides of other people in my life. Young schoolmates, a friend’s mother, a co-worker’s brother, a political friend, the wife of a co-worker, a well-known drummer. These people all ended their lives prematurely and instantly.

I then think of people who commit what one musician called “the longest suicide.” Do suicide prevention and suicide awareness groups consider overeating, drug abuse, alcoholism, excessive smoking as suicide? I do. The longest suicide by its nature may not manifest itself in a sudden, dramatic downward shift in a person’s mood. But friends and family who live with self-abusers, who bend over backwards to help self-abusers, and who sometimes, in order to save their own lives must part ways with self-abusers, surely understand the longest suicide concept.

At the funeral of a friend who had taken his own life, his 18-year old son, eulogizing his dad in absentia apologized, in part, saying, “I didn’t know how much you were hurting inside.”

In my experience this very unknowing is what haunts us the rest of our lives. The broken part of our father, our uncle, our school friends, we didn’t see, or saw only a glimpse, never realizing this dark shattered piece within was too much to live with. And so, they chose to not live with it. But those of us impacted by their suicide always live with the broken part. We are its new home.

I do not want to simplify or trivialize the many, many reasons people kill themselves. Still, in the wake of the suicides in my life, what I see of family and friends left behind is regret, remorse, anguish, questioning, self-incrimination, self-doubt. Wondering, could we have done more? Or why the deceased didn’t just pick up the phone and call us instead.

Visiting an old Maine cemetery, I came upon a new gravestone in which a young man’s name, date of birth and death, and portrait were laser etched. The young man, having a hard time maintaining both his college grades and sports performance, took his life. I can’t imagine giving up the rest of my life over that. But, it was, for this young man, an insurmountable challenge.

Maybe we need to do more to instill hope in young people that they can carry with them, and use as a lifesaver in tough times. And, yes, there is always help nearby, many times from people who considered suicide, reached out for help, and found out suicide was never a solution to begin with.

To reach a suicide prevention hotline, call 888-568-1112 or 800-273-TALK (8255), or visit www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org.

Scott K. Fish has served as a communications staffer for Maine Senate and House Republican caucuses, and was communications director for Senate President Kevin Raye. He founded and edited AsMaineGoes.com and served as director of communications/public relations for Maine’s Department of Corrections until 2015. He is now using his communications skills to serve clients in the private sector.