Keeping family memories

By Nancy Battick

I have a cousin I’ll call Susan, who lives out of state in a nursing home. She is in the process of sliding into the dark tunnel of Alzheimer’s. She was a health care professional and capable; now she can’t operate a computer, phone or the remote on the TV. 

We exchange notes. She thinks it’s winter up here. She repeats herself constantly. Before entering the nursing home, she was wandering at night. It’s scary to think what might have happened to her as she wandered miles from home and didn’t know how to get back. 

Susan’s only sister died a couple of years ago. She was younger and expected to live a long life, but it didn’t happen. The two weren’t close and both were estranged from their children. 

What’s saddest about this situation is that the sisters never conveyed much of their family history to their children. That means that all those memories and stories are now lost. I know some of them and I need to record them before it’s too late, but I certainly don’t know all that happened in that household. And now parents and children are gone so no one ever will. There must have been happy moments, funny stories, and yes, tears, but they’re now disappearing forever into the unwritten mists of time.

We think this kind of thing won’t happen to us or, if it does, it will be years in the future and that we have the luxury of time to get around to writing down our memories. But fate is fickle and none of us knows what our futures will hold. I know neither cousin expected what happened to them or is happening. 

So, in this column I’m urging you to think about what your family memories are, good and bad, happy and sad, and how much you have recorded for future generations. 

It isn’t always easy to make time in this busy world we inhabit. There’s always something demanding our attention — family, job, organizations, household tasks, social responsibilities, the needs of friends, the joy of relaxing with a good book or a TV program or just chilling. It’s all too easy to postpone doing things. But, sad to say, our time is precious. So are our family memories and stories.

I also recognize it can be a daunting task to consider writing a memoir, so don’t call it that. Start small with one memory — bad, good, embarrassing, funny, whatever — and write it down. Don’t worry about spelling, grammar or your literary skills, just do it. Then make a schedule and each day or every other day write down another memory. 

Don’t worry about chronology or anything else. Write in a notebook, on your laptop or tablet. Whatever method you choose will be a blessing for you and your family and those generations to come.

Columnist Nancy Battick of Dover-Foxcroft has researched genealogy for over 30 years. She is past president of the Maine Genealogical Society, author of several genealogical articles and co-transcribed the Vital Records of Dover-Foxcroft. Nancy holds an MA in History from UM. Reader emails are welcome at nbattick@roadrunner.com.