Specials

How to cuss creatively

By Teagan Cook
DRHS senior

    In today’s world, swearing has become more mainstream than ever. According to PsychCentral.com, children are cussing earlier and more often than they did years ago.# From seventh-graders on Facebook to grannies at the supermarket, hardly anybody keeps their language clean anymore, and because of this, you may find that your conversation lacks a certain oomph. Are you interested in making statements that pack a punch in this new, swearword-friendly world? Here’s your manual.

    Step 1: Gauge your audience. When beginning to add the skill of creative swearing to your linguistic arsenal, you will need to plan beforehand, and gauging your audience is one of the more important steps. Decide whether the venue is appropriate for a streak of imaginative cussing. Going into a tirade peppered with inventive language at a funeral, though impressive to some, will likely yield you angry glares. If your boss or teacher is in the room, now is likely not the best time to launch into your newfound skill. If your grandmother or close friends are with you, take the time to consider which of them may be offended by your language: this will also help you pinpoint the appropriate level of offense later on.
    Step 2: Select your level of offense. Once you have decided that the risk of alienating your audience is acceptably low, the next thing you need to address when choosing your new, attention-grabbing swear is how offensive you intend to be. Unless you hate your grandmother, it probably isn’t a wise idea to cuss around her. On the other hand, if there’s an obnoxiously pure-minded person who you’d really like to offend in order to get them out of your hair, figuring out the most offensive phrase you can use without ruining the rest of the audience’s (presumably positive) opinion of you may be a good plan.
    Step 3: Concoct your cusses. This is the fun step. Only your own innate creativity limits you here, though I have created a few quick and simple formulas for when one must invent swears on the fly. insult of choice + mode of transportation; insult of choice + food ; animal + insult of choice + ‘er’ suffix.
    Feel free to add adjectives as appropriate; once again, this is only limited by your own creativity. Create your own formulas to give your cussing a unique, stylish flair. Variety is also key in creative swearing, since a few common words account for the majority of modern cussing.
    Plan your swearing accordingly. If you’re looking to fly under the radar, just make mild additions to common swears, and if you’re looking to grab a lot of attention, do some research on lesser-known swears and pull a few of those out the next time it’s appropriate.
    Step 4: Proper use in conversation. People tend to assume that cussing is a sign of a lack of education. In order to give your cussing the maximum intellectual effect, make sure your swears are sprinkled into your conversation in grammatically correct places. If your new swear happens to be a pronoun, as most do, use it as such.
    Avoid using racist, misogynistic (anti-women), homophobic, and otherwise -ist or -ic slurs. Using them proves you to be as both classless and unintelligent. Other than that, have fun!

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